Think of one of the most precious photos of yourself or your family in a lovely frame. Got it in your mind? Now close your eyes and imagine the framed image 100 years in the future… on a wall of a restaurant chain property that’s located on a truck route in Nebraska… And then shiver from the embarrassment? Arghhh…

Maybe, maybe not. Let me start to unpack my thought.

Years ago, while sitting in a local Cracker Barrel restaurant, my bride and I asked each other if the people in the family photos on the walls would EVER have thought 50, 60 or 100 years later that their precious moments of love and life would be peering over the shoulders of dinner guests. (To be fair, there are many more antiques than just old family pics of newly wedded couples at Cracker Barrel, but there ARE a bunch of images that were once precious to others.)

So how DID they end up, for example, in Cracker Barrel’s possession? Watch this brief Today Show piece and find out!

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I’m not sure that it’s a complete reaction to imagining our family’s photos winding up a century from now in the equivalent of a Cracker Barrel, but Susan and I recently tossed almost 45 years of family photographs and memorabilia because we realized some huge truths about items we own and cherish:

• Others don’t really care about our stuff – Not even your kids!! (No lie, McFly.)
• It feels great to toss things – It’s a sense of freedom that feels amazing.
• Even tidy people can change – Marie Kondo, the Queen of Clean, just got messy!

Now, let’s continue unpacking these points.

Others don’t care!

What we plan to save for our kids and grandkids will most likely mean nothing to them, as they mature to adulthood, building their own lives with their spouses and children… and their photos. And it makes sense! It’s their life, not yours.

Paul Simon put it this way in his song Kodachrome: “I know they'd never match my sweet imagination - Everything looks worse in black and white.” In other words, the reality of day-to-day black-and-white life is pretty much hum-drum for all of us. The collected “color” memories of our lives – photos of the past - tend to make us believe that things were better, brighter, more beautiful “back then” than they are today. AND that our kids will LOVE receiving our things from those days! Ha.

None of that is true.

In a Forbes piece from 2017, entitled “Sorry, Nobody Wants your Parents’ Stuff” by Richard Eisenberg, the author states: “This is an Ikea and Target generation. They live minimally, much more so than the boomers. They don’t have the emotional connection to things that earlier generations did. And they’re more mobile. So, they don’t want a lot of heavy stuff dragging down a move across country for a new opportunity.” Even more to the point, he writes, “This, it seems, is 21st-century life — and death. I don’t think there is a future for the possessions of our parents’ generation.”

And it felt great to toss things.

So, the other day, we did two things:

• We threw stuff out. To quote Switchfoot: Our stuff was “(g)one, like Frank Sinatra, like Elvis and his mom Like Al Pacino's cash, nothing lasts in this life”. It truly felt great to say goodbye to things.
• Susan replaced a lot of our hanging portraits and photos in our house, realizing that we could keep some, while tossing so many do-dads and pieces of paper and photos that (honestly) we can’t fully remember WHY they were saved.

And we rejoiced in taking last looks at things and pitching them. In some sweet way, we were quietly making the case that we owned them, and that they didn’t own us. So, in owning them, we could dis-own them, too.

When Susan broached the idea of ditching things, she said, “I’m sick of having so much stuff in our home, in our closets. It just sits there and takes up space.” So, I gave her my thumbs up to doing whatever she wanted to do. I considered what Trent Reznor wrote, in his song, Hurt, sung by Johnny Cash – “And you could have it all, My empire of dirt”. You’ve GOT to listen to and watch this video!

We gave a trashcan full of undesired stuff to the dump. Certainly, Good Will stands to reap the empty frames and other items. However, like Johnny Cash’s empty museum to himself, we were happy to see things go away.

Hoarders and Tidy Queens

Most of us have watched the hoarder reality shows – and flinched, whether we CAN’T relate to them or… unfortunately, if we CAN relate. The sheer stacks of crap make even the most casual observers turn their heads in disgust. I remember dating a girl whose mother saved newspapers and magazines – not for recycling, but for “re-reading’ if need be, in the future. It seemed strange to see stacks upon stacks of newspapers and magazines EVERYWHERE. She was a hoarder of news. Later, as a married couple, Susan and I bought a foreclosed home where the previous owner just left everything he owned, stacked high and wide and walked out. It was sick and disgusting that WE had to clean up HIS mess. We did so, resold it at a profit and never bought another home like that one.

Then, 180 degrees on the opposite side of life, The Queen of Clean, Marie Kondo, built an empire on being tidy and helping others reach that level of near-perfection. Watching her show was always interesting, but – to be honest – at times it was exhausting.

Apparently, it was also exhausting for her. The Guardian carried an interesting article about how she amended her tidying in favor of having time with her kids. She no longer was captured by the things that she thought she’d organized. And like the guy who walked out of his foreclosed-on hoarder-house, she walked toward a new life of joy. In fact, a Variety article on Marie Kondo’s new focus on sparking joy, said this, “While Kondo has long been devoted to decluttering “physical” spaces, her new book also stresses the importance of cleaning up mental and emotional spaces. In other words, keeping your clothes folded and organized can be just as important as listening to classical music in the morning or making time for your children.”

I bet she feels great, too.

So, there you are.

• Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your family wants your stuff. They don’t. They’ll be thankful for your cash and liquid inheritance. Don’t give them a headache by giving them your “empire of dirt”.
• The Olympics could benefit by adding a new track and field sport: Junk Throwing! Start your own “new world record” by getting rid of stuff that either means nothing to you OR stuff that means too much to you and you are somehow handcuffed to it.
• Hey, if Marie Kondo can unwrap herself from being wrapped around the axle of her Tidy Machine by letting a little lipstick get smeared, so can you! Whether hoarding or being uptight tidying, chill out and clean-up your act.

Circling back to the song by Switchfoot, Gone, the last lyric answers another artists question:

So, my only “to do” for you from this newsletter is to watch this incredible video below between Bono and Eugene Petersen, whose work, The Message Bible, frames my entire content today, as my other things go into the trash.

Let go of your empire of dirt,

More later

Den

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